Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
