Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
