So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
