I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
