I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
