Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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