I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
