Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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