he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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