hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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