mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
