i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
