watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish i was in the wii world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
