So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
