Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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