i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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