I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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