ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
