Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just blew my weed a kiss
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
