Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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