You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
