ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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