how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize