honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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