my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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