operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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