I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's blow job season.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize