we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
