I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
