mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
