So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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