there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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