So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
