my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
