Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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