Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need a beard to bite.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
