So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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