How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
