Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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