the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
