I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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