my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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