she woke up with a sticky ear
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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