they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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