Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
