seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
