I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
