i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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