i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
