if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
