i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
