She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
