her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
