Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
