eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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