was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
