Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
pop tarts are not kleenex
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
