I smell stomach acid.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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