I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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