We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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