while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
