I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
