I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
