Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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