3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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