the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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