I don't think brook has ever known best
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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