I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
