Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
